Jamison Green, Ph.D.

Jamison Green: Recognizing the Existential

I didn’t realize how much transphobia I’d internalized [in the 1970s]; it had seeped in so deeply that I felt compelled to distance myself in a defensive ‘I’m-not-as-bad-as-THOSE-people’ diversion to sidetrack my mother’s wrath somewhere, anywhere else. I was immediately filled with shame, which they probably interpreted as a shame of being homosexual. No. I discovered I was ashamed of being transsexual, and that I was ashamed of being ashamed…

Transphobia is opportunistic and aggressive.

It’s a powerful, insidious force, especially for those of us trans ourselves. It creeps into our psyches through tiny crevices. It lurks in the questions we ask about who or what we are and why we might feel different from other people. It grows stronger when we feel the tiniest shame; even when that shame is about something else, it can release a landslide of doubt that crumbles our self-confidences from every direction. Any toehold it can find inside our spirits has to be confronted, stared down, deconstructed, disintegrated, and swept away. There are no shortcuts. We must understand it first, learn to recognize it for what it is, and learn how and when to challenge it, which situations require what level of response, and to keep ourselves strong and on even footing when we do confront it, especially when other people are involved. Through this introspection and wise, not desperate engagement, we will prevail; otherwise, by ignoring it we’ve merely thrown a tarp over it. Transphobia will regroup in hiding until it’s strong enough to assault us again.